Genie (2023) - It's a Christmas Movie. The End.

Movies like Genie are far too bland to bless with heavy handed words or any sort of analysis beyond its surface value. For if one were to even attempt such a feat, they would find nothing. In layman's terms, "what you see is what you get." And what is there is fairly expected, safe, and simply "fine," which are both the kindest and worst things I can say about it. But if you insist on knowing more, I can certainly try.

Genie follows down on his luck, mildly work-o-holic/push-over dad, Bernard (Paapa Essiedu), who commits the try-and-true Christmas cinema sin of choosing work over family. So after missing his daughter's birthday and forgetting her gift back at his office, his wife, Julie (Denée Benton), feels it's best if they separate for a time. But luckily for him, he stumbles upon a jewelry box containing a magical genie named Flora (Melissa McCartney), who's determined to help Bernard win back his family.

I'll give you the broad strokes. Bernard messes up and loses his family. Through use of unlimited wishes with very little restriction (not spoilers, I promise), mild magical hijinks ensues, leading him to periodically succeed and fail to win over his family. In the end, through a magic loophole, he's able to set things right, win back his family's love and enjoy a Merry Christmas.

By the end, I'm not sure if Bernard learns much. He's fairly static, possibly learning only that making the initial considerate choice is much more important than trying to make up for not making it in the first place. Not a bad lesson, but also not one that warrants this movie's existence. Sure, there's some mild entertainment here and there (mostly from Malissa McCartney doing her Malissa McCartney thing) and I'll even give it props for introducing a few wacky scenarios, but none of them are pushed far enough or given much cinematic weight, leaving you feeling "meh." To unnecessarily drive the point home, it's an unseasoned cheeseburger of a film as interesting as exotic shades of tan or as refreshing as a breath of 67 degree office space air.

Go watch Aladdin. Go watch Kazam. A Christmas Story. Harry Potter. Whatever! It can literally be anything minutely related to genies, magic, or Christmas, because I promise you, whatever that movie happens to be, it will do one or all of those things far better than Genie ever could. I guaran-DAMN-tee it. However, if you're merely content to have something benign and Christmas-ee lingering in the background, then look no further.

Comments

Vince McMahon - The God, The Freak, & The Fraud

Within a vast sea of eclectic personalities, all strange, deranged, and nostalgic in their own right, it’s truly a wonder that one manages to easily stand head and shoulders above all the rest, both in and out of the ring. And I’m not talking about The Rock, The Hulkster, or even The Unseeable Cena. No. Because even with all their charisma combined, I can surely say that their legacy does not hold a candle to the most revered, beloved, and reviled personality of them all, the infamous head honcho that everyone loves to hate, Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Yes. Always walking ten feet tall and with every inch of the Biggest-D-Swagger the world has ever known, Mr. McMahon single handedly birthed, grew, and perfected the multibillion dollar WWE empire that many know and love today, producing unforgettable stories, legendary bouts, and larger than life superstars that rival (perhaps even best) the ancient myths of old world gods and monsters. Or so the rum...

Dune Two Fail? - Will it Stand the Test of Time?

The vast ocean of burning sand; still, warm, and stretching for infinity, resides as the only bastion of solace for the war weary peoples of Arrakis. They speak of its beauty and sacredness with such reverence that it feels easy to let its rumored enchantments beguile you. But is such a place as wondrous as they claim? Or is it merely a pretty pile of sand bolstered by those already under its spell? Moreover, one could extend such a question to the sprawling tale of Dune: Part Two itself. For although it may dazzle with aesthetic beauty and interesting lore, the real question is if its story offers anything captivating during its three hour run time. And does it? Let’s get into it. Dune: Part Two continues the story of Paul Atredies ( Timothée Chalamet ) as he unites with Chani ( Zendaya ) and the Fremen, while also seeking revenge against the conspirators who destroyed his family. However, as his enemies close in, he falls in love with Ch...

The Visitant. Nothing, but Vibes … Deliciously Spooky Vibes

Oh, in the late hour, how dreadful the bumps and shadows of the night can be. But rest assured, it’s usually nothing more than the wicked tricks of your paranoid mind running amok … well … if you’re lucky . Because sometimes those ghostly flashes in one’s peripherals or the unsettling creaks of one’s home can be far more real and malevolent than any would want them to be. And if they truly are, then what is a lonesome soul to do? This question and more, I’m sure, ran through Josh’s mind, when he found himself caught in an unsettling game of cat-and-mouse with the mysterious, shadow stalker known as The Visitant . The Visitant ( 2024 ) is a horror-short written and directed by Chad and Brennan Sano that tells the tale of Josh ( Aaron Groben ), an artist that inadvertently creates a gateway into another world that invites a dark presence into his home. Clocking in at exactly 7 minutes ( with credits ), not a single second is wasted, wracking the spirit with a lingering dread that does ...

Low Budget Movie Buff: Movie Reviews

Search This Blog